Short promo video that I shot with AT&T. Also featured on Gizmodo and Engadget. Shout out to Chris and Andy for all their help!
Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
Been having trouble finding time to blog, but mostly because I want to write about deeper topics. That sort of analysis takes more time, so I should probably set aside some to really get into it. Maybe this weekend will be a good time.
And the days flew by like I was riding some gigantic digital wave, punctuated by Autocorrect so that I could focus more on the subject matter and not just the matter of the subject. I touched the glass of this new invention and realized it’s been a while since I have read an actual novel in paper-flesh. This got me thinking as well, especially when I picked up my monthly copy of Esquire and flipped through to find a short story that smelled exactly like something I could’ve written in a quiet afternoon, if I ever had any of those.
It was a simple realization that what they’ve got that I don’t have is time and what they don’t have that I have is a tendency to question everything artistic in order achieve pure perfection. The goal of perfection is not necessarily meant to be achieved, and like life we go on living even though we know eventually that we’ll die. But, if we can have some sort of satisfaction along the way, we can share a bit of happiness for just a while and produce something that leaves us (or me, rather) with a bout of satisfaction until the next wave settles down.
I’m not complaining at all, but merely attempting to contemplate the tides.
It continually blows my mind and I’m very thankful for that. I think I will be very unhappy the day that typing on a glass computer screen doesn’t completely amaze me.
Everything’s amazing; nobody is happy!
"I know in my heart I'll find my true love after I go on all these ridiculous dates on television with 25 shallow women."
So I watched “The Bachelor” for the first time by chance last night and let me tell you: curiosity does kill the 24-year old single white male. You see, my office consists of 85% women, so I find myself wondering what they’re talking about during the day while I’m busy trying to make sure I’ve definitely zipped my fly or remembering if I wore deodorant or not that day. It just so happens that on Tuesdays they’re talking about “The Bachelor”, and this Tuesday I wanted to be included in the conversation at lunch that inevitably surrounds Monday night’s episode.
If you’ve never watched “The Bachelor”, I’ll just go ahead and tell you that it is both utterly horrible and pretty damn hilarious all at the same time. The problem is that it’s no “Jersey Shore”, which I find to be an enjoyable watch. Whereas “Jersey Shore” always makes me laugh with the characters somehow, “The Bachelor” just leaves me wondering why the hell we decided to do this indoor plumbing thing and stop living in caves with 25 women of our tribe. Don’t worry, I can’t believe I’m writing a blog post about reality television, too.
So, this guy makes out with all the women on the show with the premise that he’s going to fall in love with one of them (who must have some ridiculous skill in making out because that’s all they really do) and eventually marry that lucky tongue-warbler in a completely romantic love story that they tell their children about on their deathbed.
In order to tell that story, though, they’d have to talk about how they met. I don’t know what screams “wedding bells” like telling someone that you met on a television show that draws its energy around five or six psychotic women who spend the entire time in monologue while the rest of the women (a girl at work called them “randos”, which I loved; good name for the Bachelor’s first child) sit around and cry about how the Bachelor is not paying attention to them. Why did I capitalize Bachelor?
They also go on “dates”, which are actually miniature soap opera/Fear Factor reruns where the Bachelor guy gets a helicopter/boat/haircut and shows up to pick the girl up and go do something that nobody ever does on a first date. The episode I watched involved the Bachelor and Psycho Bitch #2 rappelling down the side of a building in Los Angeles, which I know I’ve done before on a first date.
But wait, it gets better because they have to do something “romantic” in the middle of it. So of course they make out (didn’t see that one coming!) halfway down in front of the windows on the building. I thought I saw an accountant throw up in the window, too. I wish I had DVR for stuff like this, but I’m too busy flying helicopters to hot tubs on top of Mt. Everest for dates like normal bachelor dudes do.
This was also the original album artwork for a Motley Crue album on account of the girls, girls, girls. And the fact that they're all strippers.
At the end of the episode the Bachelor kicks some of the randos out in order to keep the house popping with all those nutjob women in there. He does this so that the ratings for the show stay up and so that the producers can get some good shots of women crying and stuff so that you know the next episode is going to be pretty zany. Then, there’s more monologue from an annoying girl about “love” and “destiny” and “the one”, and then there’s a preview of the next episode of more crying, monologue, making out, love and “the one.”
If you’ve gotten to the end of this blog post, you’re probably wondering why the hell I am even talking about this. If that is what you’re wondering, then I believe we’ve finally made a connection and that we’re on the same level, because the word count is getting pretty high and I’ve yet to come up with a good excuse as to why I’m in my room writing this instead of cleaning my bathroom or whatever I do on Tuesdays. I suppose we could assume that I’m jealous of the Bachelor, which I was open to when I first started watching the show. Wouldn’t most guys be overjoyed to be in a mansion with a bunch of easy women who are all reasonably attractive and are under the impression that you want to marry them on television?
Actually, yeah, I guess I’m just probably jealous!
EDIT: I forgot to mention that during my research, which involved only Wikipedia, I found out that that there is a Bachelor game for the Wii. What do you do, bring the controller in the hot tub with you and make out with it??
And if you're not already ridiculously lonely, it comes with "The Bachelorette", too!
I drank so many apps that I got Google goggles.
The first computer I was ever exposed to was an Amiga 500 that Commodore made in the 80s. My dad bought it for around $10,500 (adjusted for inflation or whatever + tax) and I don’t think it really even had an operating system. The way you used the computer was you put a floppy disk (it wasn’t very floppy now that technology had advanced) that contained a “program” in the drive and turned the computer on. The Amiga automatically booted whatever was on the disk and made at lot of noise while it did. In other words, it was magic.
Nowadays I own a phone that has probably 1,000x (adjusted for inflation or whatever + tax) more processing power and can do things that are totally ridiculous and awesome. I can take a picture of a painting somewhere and then have Google tell me what painting it is and who painted it using Google Goggles. I can use a fully-functional map to tell me where to go to get to anywhere in the city. I even blogged from my phone one time using the WordPress app, which took me like a week to recover from because my head exploded. And that’s when I got this great idea for this totally pointless blog post.
You see, when Dad taught me how to use the computer when I was around two or so, he handed me a box full of disks that contained “programs.” These programs did all the cool things I loved about the computer and were essential to my happiness until Windows 3.1 came out and my dad spent another $6 billion dollars American (adjusted for inflation + tax) on a new computer. The programs WERE the computer and the computer ran them like this kitten rides this turtle: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FK_CKtYCRIc
Fast forward 20+ years (adjusted for inflation or whatever + tax) and here I am using these APPS on my telephone and having conversations with my dad about how much better he is at “Angry Birds” than I am. But wait, what is an app? When the hell did this “app” thing start??
I've never seen this show, but apparently this guy sleeps with everything so he must be pretty persuasive.
Back in my day, these things were called PROGRAMS! A PROGRAMMER would leave his Dungeons and Dragons meeting and spend hours making something totally useful, like Pong, and the world would rejoice. Is there a such thing as an APPER? It doesn’t even sound productive! It’s 5/6 of the way to becoming a “napper” and if you nap all the time then I’m just going to call you “Sleep Jobs” (that was supposed to sound like “Steve Jobs” if you’re playing along at home).
The only solution is that somewhere along the way, somebody (probably Don Draper above or whatever + tax) pulled the greatest PR stint ever and started kids smoking apps from an early age. Then, these appheads started reproducing and BAM now I’m using the Netflix App on my Xbox 360 to watch foreign films so I can interject in conversations something about “Paris, je t’adore” regardless of whether it’s app-propriate or not. And somewhere along the way App-le’s (oh wait, now I’m on to something…) stock skyrocketed to 340.65 a share (adjusted for Don Draper + apps).
"I WANT YOU to stop watching crappy movies."
A few days ago I had dinner with some friends and a new acquaintance who is a huge movie fan. We got to talking about movies and her love for horror films (I hate horror films), and then began to talk about our favorite movies/films. When it got to be my turn, I was pretty much laughed at for my taste in movies. My three favorite movies off the top of my head (feel free to laugh as well) are:
- Vanilla Sky
- (500) Days of Summer
- Big
Okay, yeah, I realize I’m not Roger Ebert, but each of these movies is appealing to me for different reasons. The first two are because they’re the best representations of “love” and “romance” from a guy’s perspective. They both tell the story of a guy who truly falls hard for the first time and also learns who he is through the fracturing of his rose-tinted glasses. Though they achieve this in different ways, both films hit it hard and portray intimate relationships the way they really are and not the way that Matthew McConnahoweveryouspellit makes them seem.
Big is just a classic movie with one of the greatest actors of our time: Tom Hanks. Feel free to argue that, too.
Anyway, I listed my three favorite movies to make this point: I don’t watch very many movies because the truth is that most movies just suck pretty badly. Most movies are also just made for pure profit and feed off the ignorance and shallowness of most of the world. Most movies are made using the McDonald’s formula: fast, cheap and unhealthy.
Maybe it’s because I’ve read a few good books in my time, but I’d say that most movies also lack one of the most important storytelling aspects: character development. How do you prove that the conflict in the movie is genuine unless you develop your characters correctly? Most movies are never able to attach me to the character like most books I’ve read have. The problem is that character development in two hours is extremely difficult.
But, it’s in this respect that a good movie truly becomes a good movie. I’m going to use another Tom Hanks example, but think about Cast Away. The movie centers around a guy on an island BY HIMSELF with nothing but a volleyball and the environment for supporting characters. That’s it! But, we still understand the predicament and our hearts still sink when he (spoiler alert) finally gets back home only to have Helen Hunt half-ass their relationship and give up hope. I probably would’ve done the same thing, but seriously, come on, Helen Hunt. The guy returned Apollo 13 back to Earth and also ran all the way across Greenbow, Alabama. Of course he’s going to survive a plane crash and a few years on an island with a volleyball.
The truth is that not every movie can be The Godfather or Wayne’s World or Forrest Gump. Or Turner and Hooch. Or Sleepless in Seattle. Or Saving Private Ryan. Or The Green Mile. Or You’ve Got Mail. Yes, I love You’ve Got Mail.
One last thing: I went and saw a movie this weekend and noticed that the adult price of admission at this particular theater is $9.50. Are you kidding me? $10 for a movie????? Back in my day it was $6.50 to see a movie like Toy Story. Or Toy Story 2. Or Toy Story 3.
If only this sign had been there before JFK came rolling along. I bet he would've turned the hell around.
So I’ve made my move to Dallas and things have been going very well so far. Moving and unpacking wasn’t too bad at all thanks to my parents and my roommate. I’ve got all my things organized for the most part and really like my new place.
Today I rode the light-rail downtown to practice my daily routine and explore a little. It made me realize that I’ve never really gone around downtown in Dallas in all the times that I’ve come here. Come to think of it, I’ve been to downtown Fort Worth more times than downtown Dallas! Anyway, I definitely can get used to taking the train and navigating a bigger city. In a weird way, it all just feels kind of meant to be. I feel comfortable with it.
Lastly, if you’re interested, a friend of mine just started a film blog at www.filmgeeks.net. It’s nice to have a site with reviews that I can relate to. The writers are normal guys who write from an educated but easy-to-follow perspective. Check it out!
"Dear Dolly, I turned off auto-correct so now I really mean it when I send you an inappropriate text."
So I finally figured out how to use the WordPress app from my iPhone. Actually, I’d rather just blame it on connection issues with WordPress, but I’m a humble guy and I’m fine with taking some blame. The good news is that now I can post on the fly.
This opens new doors in blogging for me, and possibly a new style in itself. This is Gonzo blogging! This can really be done anywhere, and now that I’m moving to Dallas I can really make use of it.
When I refer to a change in style, I was mostly thinking of how to maximize my minimal screen real estate. What that actually means is that I’ll have to just write on the fly because there’s no way I’m scrolling all the way up this screen to proofread. This can be both good and bad.
This could be good because it might force me to be very, very conscious about my grammar and spelling. I’ve made it one of my life priorities to be as careful with the English language as possible, so maybe this is some sort of life test? With great power comes responsibility? Just how good is AutoCorrect?
And there you have the bad: an entire poster-child of a blog for Damn You, AutoCorrect!
I finished “The Art of Being Minimalist” by Everett Bogue today (you can check out his blog at http://www.farbeyondthestars.com) after thinking about how to get rid of a lot of my junk. You see, I’m sort of a hoarder, but it’s really only because of two reasons:
1. I have this idea that one day I’m going to actually need this ____________ at some point in the future and if I throw it away, I’m going to regret it.
2. I tend to be pretty sentimental about a lot of my things.
The first reason is easier to ignore by just tossing caution to the wind, in a sense. I sort of close my eyes and just throw the _________ in the trash, and nine times out of ten I never even think about the object ever again. The second is a lot more difficult to do.
The best things I keep are the sentimental things that I will probably NEVER use again when I really think about it. A case in point is my Spartan helmet from Halloween two or three years ago. When am I ever going to dress like a Spartan again? Oh yeah, I wore it at work last year with my cape and all that, but really, where am I going to ever wear this “helmet” again? It’s just a piece of painted plastic with some feathers on top.
And now it’s in the trash.
Getting rid of some of my stuff is even becoming a little profitable. I sold my cherry red Epiphone Casino to an 18-year old with a band and I think I got more out of just selling it to him than I ever really did actually owning it. When he came over and told me his story about his band and his new (beater) car, I had to make a deal with him. Hell yeah, I’ll give a little on this deal. In fact, I sold it to him for probably $100 under what I should’ve sold it to him, but I felt great about it. I remember being exactly where he is and how I would’ve appreciated it so much.
Of course, I’ve sold some crap on eBay, too, and that’s helped. Today I sent a lot of things to the trash and put a bunch of clothes in a bag for Goodwill. I’m slowly but surely getting rid of my junk – slowly but surely.
And like Bogue reveals in his book: it’s pretty liberating!
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Musings and ramblings from another twenty-something who grew up with the internet. I also get to see how the social aspect of the internet works at Fleishman-Hillard, so remember that everything I write here is my own creation, and, if not, I'll make sure I give credit where it's due. Thanks for visiting!