I drank so many apps that I got Google goggles.
The first computer I was ever exposed to was an Amiga 500 that Commodore made in the 80s. My dad bought it for around $10,500 (adjusted for inflation or whatever + tax) and I don’t think it really even had an operating system. The way you used the computer was you put a floppy disk (it wasn’t very floppy now that technology had advanced) that contained a “program” in the drive and turned the computer on. The Amiga automatically booted whatever was on the disk and made at lot of noise while it did. In other words, it was magic.
Nowadays I own a phone that has probably 1,000x (adjusted for inflation or whatever + tax) more processing power and can do things that are totally ridiculous and awesome. I can take a picture of a painting somewhere and then have Google tell me what painting it is and who painted it using Google Goggles. I can use a fully-functional map to tell me where to go to get to anywhere in the city. I even blogged from my phone one time using the WordPress app, which took me like a week to recover from because my head exploded. And that’s when I got this great idea for this totally pointless blog post.
You see, when Dad taught me how to use the computer when I was around two or so, he handed me a box full of disks that contained “programs.” These programs did all the cool things I loved about the computer and were essential to my happiness until Windows 3.1 came out and my dad spent another $6 billion dollars American (adjusted for inflation + tax) on a new computer. The programs WERE the computer and the computer ran them like this kitten rides this turtle: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FK_CKtYCRIc
Fast forward 20+ years (adjusted for inflation or whatever + tax) and here I am using these APPS on my telephone and having conversations with my dad about how much better he is at “Angry Birds” than I am. But wait, what is an app? When the hell did this “app” thing start??
I've never seen this show, but apparently this guy sleeps with everything so he must be pretty persuasive.
Back in my day, these things were called PROGRAMS! A PROGRAMMER would leave his Dungeons and Dragons meeting and spend hours making something totally useful, like Pong, and the world would rejoice. Is there a such thing as an APPER? It doesn’t even sound productive! It’s 5/6 of the way to becoming a “napper” and if you nap all the time then I’m just going to call you “Sleep Jobs” (that was supposed to sound like “Steve Jobs” if you’re playing along at home).
The only solution is that somewhere along the way, somebody (probably Don Draper above or whatever + tax) pulled the greatest PR stint ever and started kids smoking apps from an early age. Then, these appheads started reproducing and BAM now I’m using the Netflix App on my Xbox 360 to watch foreign films so I can interject in conversations something about “Paris, je t’adore” regardless of whether it’s app-propriate or not. And somewhere along the way App-le’s (oh wait, now I’m on to something…) stock skyrocketed to 340.65 a share (adjusted for Don Draper + apps).
